5 Tips Around Death and Dying

Nobody likes to talk about death and dying. Let's face it, it's not an easy topic and can create lots of awkward and uncomfortable conversation leading up to it and well beyond death itself. My dad died one month ago. He had open heart surgery and it didn't go so well. Healthcare sucks for the most part, what else is there to say (and I work in healthcare!). There's enough on the interwebs already about grief, the 5 stages, whatever, we all deal differently - just don't let it be destructive. Here are a few thoughts I wanted to share.

1. Cards are a great way to say, "Hey, I thought of you today." Send a card when someone you know experiences the death of someone close to them. It is so nice to get a note in the mail, especially from those in your circle that you least expect. I really wish I have sent more sympathy cards over the years and will be more diligent in doing so in the future. Same thing for taking the time to visit at the funeral home. If I had realized how much it meant, I would have done it more.

2. Do not make the survivor play "Who am I?" at the funeral home. I was so grateful to see so many of my dad's friends from life come to the visitation, lots of coworkers from the almost 40 years he spent working in a factory and the many friends he had made as a youth and kept throughout life (the man knew how to be a friend - and it had to do with picking up the phone to make an actual phone call, not a text or social media like). Let's be honest, we were a little tired and stressed those few days at the funeral home.For real, don't make my mom stand there and look at your face and ask, "Do you remember who I am?" Obviously not. Glad to see you but none of us are in the mood for cute guessing games.  The appropriate thing to do if there is no immediate facial recognition or you know that you don't know the survivor who is greeting visitors at the casket is a brief introduction, "Hello, my name is Harry Cary, I used to be your neighbor 25 years ago." Sorry we don't recognize you.

3. If you send an item to the funeral home from the florist, please include a To:. This is super helpful when the funeral is over and it is time for all the flowers and gifts to be separated. We want your tokens of love to go home with the intended person, but without the To: we might be sure who to send to. Easy thing to do, and I am not sure why the florist does not ask this for every funeral home delivery. Both my sister and I were surprised at how many floral items we received from our workplaces and our friends, what a sweet surprise.

4. Plan for death. Really, do it. Talk about it with your loved ones. What are their wishes, do you know? Do you know if your parents would want to be intubated to breath? To have CPR? A feeding tube? Do you have any idea where they would want to buried or if they have already bought plots? Pre-plan your funeral and burial as much as possible. Select and start paying for your monument in advance or visit your local funeral home to discuss packages and pricing.

5. Have your favorite people leave you a voicemail. Save this voicemail. Man, what a rush to hear that voice again. Music to my ears.

I love you, Dad.